Full of It
by Liebling
Summary: “Listen,” he says his voice steady with conviction, “there ain’t no one in this world that will ever love you more than I do.” A personal look into the interesting relationship of Sirius Black and Bellatrix Lestrange.


*  
  
She's not a nice girl.  
  
Her cousin is not a nice boy. No one knows this. They think he's lovely--he is. And he's awfully charming to boot but he's a git and that puts a damper on things. He's cocky and prideful and totally--full of it.  
  
For someone who isn't quite nice, she's pretty vulnerable and weak.  
  
They're surprised at this.  
  
"Don't leave me," she says, "never leave me."  
  
"Okay, Bella," he whispers, "never ever."  
  
He has to leave sooner that night, and she forgets her previous words.  
  
He sees her the next morning and she whines some more--about nothing of interest--and she says: "I miss my home."  
  
"Bella," he says, "Bella we're right here, in your home..."  
  
"No," she shakes her head and tries to wriggle his arm away from hers, "no, no! You don't understand!"  
  
...he doesn't  
  
She's going mad inside and if you knew anything you'd know this. She's really far down now, with no hope in sight and her days are filled with sorrow.  
  
She pours herself orange juice in dusty wine glasses and she reads the oldest copy of Hogwarts a History on an overstuffed armchair.  
  
Nothing's changed, but everything has.  
  
He comes every day to "check up on her" she's just twenty-one...she isn't like ninety or anything. He talks to her in a hushed voice. Her boyfriend drops by here and there--Rudolphus--and he always did have bad taste. He only comes when her cousin's around though...it's her cousin's rule.  
  
She hates it.  
  
He really could careless.  
  
Her cousin asks her what she wants to be when she "grows up" she says something very vague about "being a Mummy." And he smiles; if she could pull herself together she wouldn't be an awful Mother. But she's lost in pity and insecurity and empathy and it's a very sad thing.  
  
She grows older, and he still tries to keep up these daily 'check up' sessions and she's still as bright as ever. With stars in her eyes and a sharp tongue that could make you laugh or cry.  
  
"I'm a big girl now," she says through the tears.  
  
And she doesn't mean it.  
  
"Hush," he says.  
  
She doesn't.  
  
He's her number one fan, her one true companion. He's the person that you'd quite like to hate...and can't. He's a drinking pal and a good mate.  
  
...he's Sirius Black and if you ask her, he might as well be slime off the street.  
  
During Hogwarts he was her protector--no one else wanted the job. So he took it on with a frown on his lovely face and his eyes rolled. But he had gusto--unbeknownst to the rest of the world. Gusto never fully discovered. He threatened Rudolphus when no one else was looking, and sometimes when they were. He kept the vodka away from her hands and he wouldn't let her ride a broom.  
  
He was terribly awful like that.  
  
Many a time she'd kick him in the shins...hard. And he probably deserved it too. But protecting people isn't always a fun job and it's not always a nice job either.  
  
He calls her "kiddo" and sometimes "Bella" and he makes sure Rudolphus keeps his lips off of her.  
  
She goes out on weekends sometimes, and nothing ever changes, she drinks a lot and dances until her feet hurt her then she passes out on the couch.  
  
He rolls his eyes like an annoyed parent and yells at her when she finally wakes up.  
  
She rubs her eyes and says, "oh Sirius you're my favoritest person in all of the world!" And she kisses his cheek and he rolls his eyes and says:  
  
"And you are mine as well, kid."  
  
All is forgotten.  
  
Then he fixes her a cup 'o' hot tea and says loudly as he clears his throat: "Do tell, Bella where you were last night?"  
  
She mutters something about 'Rudolphus's flat' and he mutters something about 'killing' and that's the end of that.  
  
Sirius has his own life, away from the prying eyes of his ever-obnoxious younger cousin. At times, he'd like to get to be 'young' and he'd like to do fun childish things like party and go off with James, Remus and Peter. But he can't. He's "busy" he's got work to do at the Ministry and bread to put on his very own walnut table. He's got a silly girlfriend called 'Ezmerellda' who's really just a cheap, trashy girl.  
  
No matter   
  
And he's got Bella. But she's so bloody worthless sometimes.  
  
He's got a lot to carry, and no one notices. After all he is rich and pureblood and all who are rich and pureblood never have to work a day in their nice sweet lives.  
  
They do.  
  
He doesn't like his very own clan they're annoying people who are fixated on blood and money. They've got nothing going for them. Bella's the only tolerable person and even that's debatable. They make fun of everyone at the reunions.  
  
And then he makes fun of her and she makes fun of him.  
  
It's nice.  
  
"You're a real Slytherin, Bella."  
  
"I know."  
  
"But really, Bella."  
  
"I said I know."  
  
They talk, about nothing special and everything interesting and at times she says nasty things about Ezmerellda. "You know that girl's cheap!"  
  
"You can't run my life! You can't even run your own life."  
  
"She's not a nice girl."  
  
"Neither are you."  
  
"You aren't dating me you prat."  
  
"Ew!"  
  
"You know she's worthless."  
  
He doesn't respond.  
  
He teases her about Rudolphus (that is when he isn't vowing to murder him in his sleep) and she giggles girlishly and says something terribly sappy along the lines of: "we're in love."  
  
He chuckles dryly.  
  
One day they're out in the rain and she's waltzing in it and he's rolling his eyes at her. He's always been more cynical than he's let on. His ebony hair is matted to his head and her chestnut colored hair is frizzy and curly and they're both really cold.  
  
"Can't we go in?" He says.  
  
"No."  
  
"It's stunning," she adds.  
  
"I've seen better," he replies smugly.  
  
"I haven't," she says.  
  
"Does Rudolphus love you?"  
  
"Hmmm?"  
  
"Does he?"  
  
"...as much as he could love anyone, yes."  
  
"That isn't a good answer."  
  
"Get over it."  
  
"You're a useless hag and you know it."  
  
"He says I'm stunning."  
  
"One point for the prat," the young man says coldly  
  
"Listen," he says his voice steady with conviction, "there ain't no one in this world that will ever love you more than I do."  
  
She knows.  
  
* 


End file.
